Um….I’M PREGNANT!

I know.

I can barely believe it myself.

I can barely believe I am typing it, but yes, I am pregnant, 8 weeks pregnant.

Let me just tell you, it has been SO hard not saying anything, especially with what I am about to tell you.

But first, as this is probably the biggest news of my life, I have many ways you can learn more.

If you want to watch, I made this video about it:

If you want to read, well, by now you know me, full access to my brain is ahead.

Finally, if you want to hear the full story, plus the story of the woman who not only planted the seed in my mind about making the changes to start a family, but whose story is so interconnected to mine it still freaks me out, I have an entire podcast episode today with the wonderful also PREGNANT Tawnee Gibson (Prazak).

The choice is yours.

For those of you with mathematical brains (which I certainly do not have), you will have already been crunching some numbers together and have noticed:

WAIT. If you are 8 weeks pregnant, and you stopped running at the end of March, taking 10 weeks off running completely, you mentioned about your cycles returning in May, how did this happen so fast?

Trust me, I am wondering the same thing.

My dear Nanny Jolly lives on through our family by passing on her fertility I guess 🙂

Through some miracle, I didn’t even get to have one period since my recovery from amenorrhea, I got pregnant on the first egg my body had released in 9 years!

Yep, it really is that unbelievable.

For all those people who said I didn’t have to stop running to get my cycles back, well, you were right. It certainly is possible to get your body to start ovulating again without giving up the running, and Tawnee talks about that in the podcast, but as you know, I didn’t want to wait and see how long that took.

As with everything else in my life, if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. All in one go, and all or nothing to get it back.

If you want something enough, you will do anything for it. It’s as simple as that.

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UPDATE: Since writing this article, I have taken EVERYTHING I learned in my journey to get my period back, and wrote a book on the topic, so you have everything I know about amenorrhea in one place. This book is written for runners who have lost their period, but regardless of what sport you do, if you don’t get your period, Overcoming Amenorrhea: Get Your Period Back. Get Your Life Back will help.

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So for 10 long weeks, I fought those inner demons telling me I was getting fat (and I beat them down, its amazing how little I hear them anymore), I didn’t run a step, I rested, I ate whatever the heck I wanted, and I trusted in my body to tell me when it was ready.

And ready it was…apparently!

It took my body 10 weeks and just 15lbs of weight gain to release that first egg, slap bang in the middle of the time my doctors predicted.

At the beginning of May, I had an appointment with my OBGYN about my decision to try for a family.

I walked into her office, nervous for what she might tell me, thinking that she would say;

Okay, so it will take 3-6 months to get it back, then we will want you to just have your cycles for 6 months, then you can start trying on your own for 6 months, if that doesn’t work you can come back in and we will do this…and that…and then try this…and if that doesn’t work….

You know, the way a Type A brain works, must have a plan, right?

We like plans.

But no. Dr. Fuson told me she was excited we were taking the steps to starting a family, she had got my hormonal numbers from my endocrinologist, and she simply said, “okay, well if you are not pregnant in 3 months, I want you to come back and see me”.

Wait, WHAT!?

Where’s the plan? Where’s the what ifs? Surely I need to have my cycles for a while first before we begin trying?!

Nope.

She told me that my body would have been in such a fearful state for such a long time, that once they do come back, that is my body telling me that all systems are firing, everything is safe and working. We are fine to start trying right away.

Well, okay then!

Her confidence was incredibly soothing, and I left that office with my head held high, probably strutting down the corridor, for the first time in a long time not feeling like my body was completely broken.

I had no idea as I walked strutted down that corridor just how right she was going to be, that just three weeks later I would call her and say, I’M PREGNANT!

The results driven person in me though didn’t want to just wait and see, I wanted to know how my body was doing, so I started to take ovulation tests, just little cheap ones that you pee on once a day, and if the two lines are the same color, it means you are ovulating.

For a while I saw nothing. No line. No hope. No-thing going on!

I felt like I was in a movie where the person falls to the ground crying to the sky asking what more they can give, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?! I DID WHAT YOU ASKED”

Until one day, I saw a faint line…could that really be? Or was I just wishing so bad that it would show my body has finally responded.

A few days went by, and the lines were getting clearer, my closet ovulation testing came out as I told Steve what I was doing when I disappeared into the bathroom for 10 minutes once a day, he agreed there was a line there.

So I bought a digital test, and the next day, it showed I was ovulating!

It was a moment I will remember forever. Even though I felt like a teenage girl getting her period for the first time, I was so proud of myself for becoming a functioning woman again.

So Steve and I tried, figuring we had nothing to lose. The chance it would work was slim, but we might as well see what happened. The doctor had told me I was all set once my body was ready, so were we.

The craziest part is, within a few days, I knew I was pregnant.

I just knew.

You know I am a “gut person”, I trust my intuition with everything, and I just knew I was pregnant.

I started to search online forums for early signs, but then you wonder if you are just looking for symptoms…like when you use Dr Google to diagnose something and you decide you must have the bubonic plague because your symptoms match.

Some of the symptoms I had were undeniably weird, it surely couldn’t be signs of an upcoming period…could it?

But who was I to know, I had completely forgotten what it felt like to have one!

So I patiently barely waited until the first day I could test, May 27th 2017, and I woke Steve up at 5:30am on a Sunday to take the test. We left the room for the 3 minutes, and went back in together, and there it was….I was pregnant.

First try. No period in 9 years. What are the chances?!

I don’t even know, but that just went to show that I made the right choice.

My body asked for rest, more food, and some weight gain. I gave it to it, and look what happened.

Now, I realize and I hope anyone reading this also realizes that this is not typical, this is a very rare circumstance that it happened THIS quickly, but I hope it gives women hope.

If you are thinking about stopping running, exercising, and gaining weight, it really will be worth it, it might not happen as quickly as it did for me, but I know for a FACT there is NO WAY I would be pregnant right now if I hadn’t taken that step.

It *only* took around 15lbs. I am about 130lbs, and for my 5ft5 frame that puts me at a normal weight, and, want to know what it interesting? I ended up settling (not by forcing it, it just happened that way) at the exact weight I was when my periods were regular, my body was functioning correctly.

130lbs is the happy weight for my body.

Is that ideal for a professional runner wanting to be at her most efficient?

Probably not.

Could I have added a few more pounds while in training without it affecting performance?

Probably so.

I will be coming out with a guide on how to get your cycles back, based on what I have learned, and I will be offering some one on one Skype consults if you want to chat to someone who understands. Make sure you enter your email below to keep in the loop about that.

So back to the pregnancy.

You may have noticed I have been a little quiet on the internet over the past month. I missed two blog posts, I have barely updated my Instagram, and why?

The downside of everything happening so fast is that my body has not been in a good place.

The baby is safe and well, we had our first ultrasound last week to confirm that, but for about three weeks I was really really ill, so sick that I could barely leave the couch for days on end.

Not to leave the house, or even go upstairs to get in my bed as I was too sick to move. The idea of opening my laptop gave me instant dizziness.

Morning sickness?

Try all day and night sickness.

Try being unable to even keep down a sip of water and ending up in the ER with them giving me two drips of fluid plus anti nausea medication.

It was rough, and although I have only ended up in the hospital once, I have had a few bouts of the debilitating sickness that crippled me. Every hour felt like four, and I spent my days throwing up, nibbling on saltines, and watching anything that could distract me for even a moment.

The worst part about morning sickness is that you feel like you do in the 10 minutes before you throw up when you have a sick bug, except you feel like you are stuck in that 10 minutes all day long. Like you could throw up any second, and it doesn’t even give you any relief if you do throw up, you feel just as bad after as you did before.

What’s even worse?

You can’t just say, “oh, ill just get it out of my system” like you usually would with a bug, “just make it another day, tomorrow will be better”, but no, if you throw up, well, you just lost those calories, so now you have to eat again.

But I might throw it up again?

Well, you still have to eat it. Friends and family feel so helpless, wishing they could take away some of your struggle. The pain I saw in Steve’s eyes as I would emerge from the bathroom would make my heart-break (and tears well in my eyes as I type this). This is not easy on daddies to be either. People who love you try to tell you, well, I hear it gets better after 12 weeks, which it does, for a lot of people, but at 6 weeks into a pregnancy, 6 weeks of day and night throwing up, surviving on crackers, does not sound enjoyable.

You try to be grateful. I reminded myself every minute that it would be worth it, oh so worth it, and I knew it would. I would do this every day of the pregnancy if I had to, but it definitely gets hard to enjoy even a moment of being pregnant. I would also think about the women who do have trouble, and try to be grateful for even getting pregnant, as despite what you are taught as a teenager, it is surprisingly hard to get pregnant!

But when you are in that moment of feeling terrible, it takes a lot of reminding. Especially as you certainly do not have the “glow” you see in the movies!! Studies have found it is actually a very good sign, that morning sickness shows a healthy pregnancy, which I reminded myself of over and over again, but for those few weeks, I was just trying to survive.

Eating often, even if I ended up throwing it up literally 20 minutes later, but I wasn’t thinking about me any more, my thoughts were consumed with what I could do to help my baby grow healthy and strong.

Which is how I ended up on a diet of Ritz crackers, saltines, and if I was feeling brave, bread (Dave’s Killer Bread actually, so good!) or Annie’s Mac and cheese.

Although there are hundreds if not thousands of remedies for sickness, 99% of them are not going to work for you. The problem with pregnancy is that every single person is different, so you have to keep testing things out, and figuring out what your body likes.

I *think* I have finally found what works for me, and I have not thrown up in a week. I have felt nauseous at times, but no vomit, which I would say is a major win.

I have found the best way to combat my sickness through my diet, taking the warning signs telling me I am overdoing it, and Zofran. As much as I tried to fight it, I am taking anti-nausea medication once a day. The ER doctor gave it to me and Dr Fuson kept me on it, but I did not like the idea of taking a drug, so I tried to come off about 7 days after I started as I was feeling better.

Let’s just say the following two days after I stopped were so bad that I couldn’t even open my laptop or leave the living room (other than to go to the bathroom).

Lesson learned.

It is not surprising that my body has struggled with this transition. This is certainly the downside of doing it the way I did, my body has gone from a baron wasteland of hormones to turbo hormones in a matter of months. I think this is also why the fatigue has hit me so hard. My productivity has plummeted, and I have had to accept that some days just have to be couch days.

I picked up some books from the library yesterday so I at least feel like I am an intellectual human being, not watching mind numbing TV! There is only so much Netflix a girl can handle.

So yes, in true Tina fashion, this has been a MONSTER post, but kind of the biggest news of my life…so I think that’s expected. I will be reporting updates about my pregnancy, and I would love for you to write in the comments and tell me what you would like me to write about with regards to pregnancy. I always loved reading about women cravings, how they felt. Those pregnancy posts always made me smile, so what can I answer for you?

Actually, speaking of cravings and aversions, you will LOVE this.

When I was really sick, it wasn’t so much a case of I craved Ritz or saltines, in fact, previous Tina wouldn’t be seen dead with those foods, but crackers were the food that sounded the LEAST bad. I LOVE my food, but this sickness made me HATE eating, I would almost cry every time I had to because I just hated the idea of eating so much. However, thankfully that has now lifted.

Now, this is how crazy pregnancy is:

You know I love sweets, right? Cakes, cookies, chocolate, candy, ICE CREAM. I don’t judge or really have many sweets that I wouldn’t devour in a second. I have eaten dessert pretty much every night for the last…well probably 15 years (except that one 6 week period in college I tried to go without…that didn’t work very well).

Since I have been pregnant. I have not eaten A SINGLE PIECE OF CHOCOLATE. I do not crave any kind of sweet. I made cookies, couldn’t eat them! Steve bought cookies, didn’t want them. I have probably eaten less sugar in the last 3 weeks than I would usually have in a day. NO JOKE.

I literally cannot believe it! Turns out after all those years, the cure to my sweet tooth was….pregnancy!

But don’t worry, it gets even more interesting, I have also gone from close to one salad per day, easily getting my 5 10 vegetables and fruits a day to….well, close to 0.

All vegetables sound disgusting, eggs make me feel nauseous even thinking about them, and poor Steve has been trying so hard to eat our farm share (meant for 4 people, but we usually just about do it) by himself, as I have barely touched anything healthy in weeks.

I will tell you more about my cravings in the next post, I need to wrap this up here, but thought I would share the complete switch in my diet…but unfortunately, you gotta do what you gotta do. If you ever ended up sick after eating food as a child, and have a complete aversion to that food as you blame it for getting you sick (lentils for me), all the foods you don’t like during pregnancy feel like that. The idea of eating them brings up memories of throwing up.

And don’t even get me started on your superpower of smell. I can smell the fish cooking on the grill from INSIDE THE HOUSE. once again, poor Steve had to eat his fish outside as the smell inside was just too strong.

Speaking of Steve, I will get him to do something to talk about his experience with living with a crazy pregnant lady. Either a video or blog post, you will hear from him. He deserves a medal for what he has dealt with these last 4 weeks. I have not been easy (although surprisingly haven’t had many mood swings….or have I? Maybe I just haven’t noticed!).

I love my husband so much, and without him, I don’t know what I would have done. Friends have also been amazing too, helping me in any way they can. I am truly very lucky.

So, in summary, here is what happened today:

1. I AM 8 weeks PREGNANT and have a very healthy little baby growing in there
2. I did not have a single period, but no, that does not mean I could have fallen pregnant at any time, this was the first egg my body released in 9 years
3. I will be updating you on my pregnancy, please let me know what you would like me to talk about in the comments
4. I will be offering consulting/someone to talk to for anyone who does decide they want to take the leap, but needs some support
5. If you want to overcome amenorrhea, and want the ONE THING you should do, purchase my book Overcoming Amenorrhea: Get Your Period Back. Get Your Life Back and No Period. Now What?
6. Listen to my podcast episode with an also pregnant Tawnee Gibson (Prazak) to hear the full story
7. Amenorrhea does not make you infertile!

We know we are announcing earlier than the typical 12 week mark, but I pride myself on being honest, and right now, we are just appreciating each day that we get a little closer to meeting our little one. if something were to go wrong, of course it would be devastating, but we really believe that this is the right time for us to share and be open. Besides, I don’t want to announce just before my best friend gets married at the end of July, it is her time to shine 🙂

Thank you thank you thank you for all the love and support you have given me over the previous few months. Without feeling so lucky and appreciated, I would never have been able to chill the f*ck out and let go of my obsession with perfection.

None of us is perfect. None of us should want to be perfect. We all have to find our journey, and trust our hearts to guide us to where we truly want to be.

If you really want to get your periods back, or really want to have a baby, you HAVE to be prepared to make sacrifices. If you aren’t prepared to give up exercise, Tawnee talked about how she did it, slowly backing off, and never fully stopping exercising. Maybe that is the best way for you, but be prepared, it will take longer.

If you really want it NOW: want to have a baby, want to get your periods back, but you aren’t prepared to give up your exercise, you don’t want it enough. If you did, you would be prepared to stop, like right now.

There is no “best way” to do this. These are two completely different journeys, one less aggressive, but takes longer, the other very intense, but happens quicker.

If you are in this situation, the choice is yours, but one way or another, you WILL have to face some inner demons, and those are going to be far more difficult to face than the idea of losing fitness.

One thing I promise you though, it WILL be worth it. The life you will gain, the happiness you will discover within yourself, will make you feel better in your own skin than you ever did before.

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UPDATE: Since writing this article, I have taken EVERYTHING I learned in my journey to get my period back, and wrote a book on the topic, so you have everything I know about amenorrhea in one place. This book is written for runners who have lost their period, but regardless of what sport you do, if you don’t get your period, Overcoming Amenorrhea: Get Your Period Back. Get Your Life Back will help.